It’s Empty…

In my quest for ‘Better’, what ever that meant, somehow, along the way, I lost it. All of it.

What is ‘it’, you ask?

‘It’ is the ability to fill my free time with hobbies and activities. Crafts. Fun stuff… things I enjoy.

Instead. I find my free time is empty.

Completely empty!

I have no hobbies.

I don’t watch TV.

I don’t read novels.

Can’t bake- no one in my family has the same dietary requirements.

My house is spotless. For real- nothing to clean here. Move along, lady. SERIOUSLY.

Laundry is done.

Yard, eh, it’s not bad.

Everything I used to do is simply gone.

I find it virtually impossible to watch tv. It’s just to hard to get involved in a tv drama. Mostly because I have found that my life is drama enough.

For instance…

Interested in medical mysteries? I’m it. I am totally not joking. Hell, I may be bald before I have all my answers.

Want cute animal stories? I live them… I have them and I love my animals.

Family drama? Pleaaaaase! I could write a book. And half of it would be unbelievable.

Reading or novels… I just can’t get interested. Same as TV. Why in the hell would I let myself get wrapped up in fake drama? I’ve searched and searched. I have audible credits… just can’t find anything that looks interesting.

Sports and working out are gone. I can’t Botox up and inject all this shit to make it relax all those frozen muscles and then be a dip shit and try and engage them at the same time. It doesn’t work like that. Not for me.

I love my blog and FB. Love helping people and reading their thoughts and successes. But I can’t live in the sick realm too long. It causes me great anxiety. It’s awful.

I don’t work 80 hours a week and no longer have a commute. I pull maybe, maybe 60 hours a week now.

So what’s left? I haven’t a damn clue. I’ll update when I figure it out.

To be honest, I never expected to make it to this point… to still be alive and healthy enough to have waking hours that I can fill with nonsense things. Hours that need to be filled with something to do because I no longer require 20 hours of sleep a day…

I didn’t expect to get better.



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