Let me say that again. My Vagina does not hurt.
It’s rare I can say that. It’s been calm for a couple months… close to 2 months and I was cautions about saying anything but here it is.
Why be cautious? Jesus. BUT-Why feel better now? That’s always the big question I want an answer to mostly so I can repeat it and find relief again… and I can honestly say I know my personal stress level plays a huge role in my overall pain experiences, but man. I didn’t realize how tightly it was tied.
My pain level and PGAD was calmer post blocks in January … but work. One day, a couple months ago, my boss pushed me too far and I quit my job. Abruptly. A job that I loved. That I was rocking out at and moving mountains to be successful at… but it just was not to be. No longer mine and a shitty situation forced me to leave a horrible job. The most toxic place I’ve ever worked at.
Normally a job loss, again, in a way that wasn’t what I would have chosen… didn’t cause an increase in any pain or anxiety levels for me. The job loss relieved so much stress. Instantly. And I had another decrease in pain and symptoms.
I have already secured another position. I hope its a spot I can heal in. Rest up and build my Independent consultant business while making a difference for my employer. It seems like a win/win! I start in a week so I had some time off. I wanted to rest but I honestly didn’t know how. I felt this deep need to clean out my disgusting house! And clean it is!
And- the best thing about my new position- it’s not a job that drug tests! I’m not starting out there as a liar already.
Medically I have decided to put treatment on hold. All treatments. I haven’t had any treatment since January. I don’t want to do the interstim yet. I want to see if I can regain some of the weight I lost. I want to see if the super fluid pelvic floor is helping the SI joint dislocation issues I’m currently dealing with and if Botox is helping all those issues along and making them worse…. but basically, I’m tired of being poked. I needed a break from it all especially the mental break. I will go back when my pain days surpass my pain free days. Or sooner. Depends on the pain.
I know now that I needed this break. Mentally. Emotionally and physically. I needed to do everything I’ve done and now it’s time to rebuild. I’m trying to live in the moment. Not stress over tomorrow’s pain status. Acknowledge any anxiety and deal with it and finally, just… be. I’m enjoying the quiet my body has gifted me with. The sun and the desert with my love.
*Thank you to my love- the gift of time off was all you. Thank you for everything but most of all, your support.
I’ll update again soon. Until then, I’m off to enjoy the calm of a 2 on the pain scale. Who knows what the Universe holds tomorrow but today, she has brought me a calmness I desperately needed. And the opportunity to use it and enjoy it.