50/50: should I stay or should I go?

It’s been a shit week. For real. I was under an extreme amount of stress at work that started Monday and did not let up until I hung up with my boss as I pulled into my driveway tonight (Friday). Easing up doesn’t mean it’s gone though…

why does this matter?

Well, I’ll tell you.

It’s literally gonna take me a month to recover from this one week! This is when it pisses me off and I despise being so sick. I hate that my mental state plays such a huge role in how my body physically feels. But my body physically feeling this way causes my mental state be horrible. It feels like I am on a fucked up kaleidoscope of pain and confusion, this merry go round of a cycle that can start either way.

Think about that.

I’m talking about a cycle that can go one way or another. And either way, the resulting flares suck. That means, if I allow too much self doubt, hate and anger in, I’ll all of the sudden be drowning in a massive pelvic pain flare or a gastroparesis flare. BUT if I am not careful, my kaleidoscope of pain can switch direction and turn causing the pain to be the reason my mental status is jacked.

Being sick, really sick, means my life must be scheduled. All of it. It means that I must take care of my mental health just as much as I care for my physical health. It means that each day I also have to evaluate if one pain is contributing to the other- mental state messed up today? Is that the reason for MY extreme pain? Can I lower the mental anxiety? If Yes, it typically lowers the pain. This also works in the reverse. 😦

Hopefully that explains why my shitty week at work and my mental status all played a part in my shitty week for pain and my original question all week… Should I stay or should I go? I’m still 50/50. But man, if ever there was a time to show me that mental anguish controls pain, this was it.

Be kind. Be gentle. Take Care. Allow Rest. Ask for Help. Offer love. Show Strength. Calm your soul.

My family let me fall into bed every night at 630… I passed out and just slept, woke up, took meds and got high again and then, back to bed until the alarm at 445. More importantly, I let me fall into bed every night at 630.

So, I’ll say it again… Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Take Care of yourself. Allow yourself Rest. Ask for and accept Help. Offer yourself love. Show yourself Strength. Calm your own soul.


Lilly Sue

#OldGirlintheEndoGame #suckitendo #endendo #endostrong #PGAD #PGADbadass #PGADisreal #pudendalnervepain #endometriosis #pelvicfloordysfunction #interstitialcystitis #MMJpioneer #almostopiatefree #marijuanapatient #TeamHibner #TeamHinberGirl #TeamDsouza #refuseLupron #anxietyanddepressionhurt

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