There’s no crying in an INTERVIEW!

The second interview is set. I’m early. My brother met me at the office I had an interview at to hug me before I snuck in there! ♥️ I’ve driven two hours to meet the other management team members in Phoenix. This feels like a formality. Just a double check that I’m the right candidate. I’m excited about this interview. Is been a long 8 months… I’m coming up on 8 months of unemployment. Believe me when I say the ‘blog post’ on why I’m unemployed is painful for me and it’s still in the works…. so, just know I’m actively looking for work. I’m told this company doesn’t drug test. So I’m thinking it’ll be perfect! I won’t have to lie and it’ll never be an issue. I’m loving this job more and more! My first interview was a hit! The manager told me he’d never had a candidate nail an interview like I did.

I’m in the lobby and I just keep panicking. I’m trying to wrangle this wicked anxiety I’ve had all day and focus my energy in the fact that I know my job, the customer base and the patient base. I know my job and I deserve to be there… but the nagging, it just! So. I finally give in and take a Xanax. I had just finished taking it as I get called back to start my second job interview.

Interview rocks along… it is going amazingly well. Just like the first interview. We are getting close to wrapping up and the Director pulls out a letter, that I’ve never physically seen… but it’s a cover letter for a job I applied for back in January! I’m scanning the letter, upside down, and it is my letter of Interest when I applied to work at a dispensary! This letter outlines that I am a medical marijuana patient and got off almost all opiates using MMJ. **** I’m quickly trying to processing how this can be happening… that letter that was only typed on a local job forum… in a field that I didn’t ask it to save for me. I still can’t wrap my brain around why they have this letter. I start to panic… luckily, I only had a couple tears fall and ultimately I kept my shit together… but all I could hear in my head was Tom Hanks screaming- There’s no crying in baseball but change baseball to an interview!!! There is no crying in an interview!!!!! I keep repeating:: don’t panic. Don’t panic. I ask how they got it because I didn’t send it in. All while trying to gauge if I’ve lost everything, again….

The Director books it out of the room and leaves me with the manager. The manager is trying to calm me down by assuring me that they understand chronic pain patients and they have staff that have to work remote sometimes because pain doesn’t allow them to come in…

I’m still trying to figure out what happened!

The Director returned with the hiring manager and they’re telling me They pulled it from a job forum. Apparently when you delete resumes and cover letters the online job forum reverts back to original. They assure me this won’t change their minds but they have to go thru legal now. They do drug test as they’re still operating under a different company until October 2018.

I can’t not believe I am typing this post. I feel like a complete idiot! The rewards of being Fentanyl, ketamine, baclofen, diazapem and ambien free are lost on me lately. I can’t believe I can’t get a job because I am a MMJ patient. I t is impossible to explain the anger I have… I’m almost completely opiate free! I take two Percocet a day- down from 4-6 a day! Hell, some days, I don’t take any. I am more clear headed as a MMJ patient than I ever was as an opiate patient. So why I’m the fuck have

I am exhausted. But I keep telling myself that there is no crying in an interview! I’m praying this changes nothing for this company, who’s parent company doesn’t drug test. I’m praying they can see that I’m not a ‘stoner’ or ‘lazy’. I hope the interview was enough for someone to fight to hire me.

I have a million things to say but I can’t calm my tears or my heart. I’m going to try and sleep some more and then hang out with my dad. Sometimes, I wonder how this can keep happening. How is it possible that I could get a job on Fentanyl but not on MMJ. Society is fucked up.

#mmjpioneer #almostopiatefree #marijuanaismedicine

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